夢

今天早上，發了兩個夢。第一個夢沒甚麼，第二個夢卻把我弄醒了。我忽然在想，好像有好一段日子沒有發夢了。夢，究竟是甚麼?是佛洛依德說的潛意識嗎?是現實的相反嗎?是日有所思夜有所夢嗎?還是明天六合彩開幾多號?
中學時做過一個劇，劇中的主角(我當時演他的兒子，對，我讀女校，少不免要反串)，有一本作夢日誌。每天他醒來，第一件事就是把昨晚做的夢記下。我中六時也有一本作夢日誌，那時Chinese Drama的工作很多，跟advisor的事也令我快瘋掉，差不多每一晚也有夢。我的夢通常都發生在現實的場景，但有著不大現實的情節。
Year1的時候，有一位師兄有次很凝重的著一位同學不要輕易告訴別人自己的夢，因為你總不知道哪些人懂得解夢。他說夢反映了做夢者很多東西，如果一個人懂解夢，他可以透過夢來 知道你很多深層的事情，看透你的人格，某程度上就是赤裸裸的讓人看穿自己。我倒沒有想過這點，不過我知道我的作夢日誌，就像日記一樣，不會給人看的。不過，如果有一天我懂解夢，我也大可以看看當時的我，究竟發生了甚麼事。
近這一兩年，夢好像少了很多，有時候，只知道自己發過夢，但內容就完全記不起。但更多的是無夢的日子。前幾天，表妹說原來人一星期要有兩三個晚上有發夢，才算健康。這也難怪，住hall的生活總是不健康的。但這個說法卻無法解釋我中六時為何經常發夢。那時候我快被迫瘋，每天上課別的老師問起時就只懂哭，下課又繼續努力在沒有advisor的日子裡排戲。精神快崩潰的我，卻有無盡的夢，有時候甚至一個晚上有三四個夢。

近來又開始做夢了，但願這代表我健康了。
也但願今天早上的那一個夢，就算不成真，也不要是現實中的相反。

今夜煙花燦爛

來古巴之前做過一些資料蒐集，知道那兒的平均氣溫是攝氏 25 度左右，所以帶去的主要是一些短袖衣物，還有好幾件小背心。但當我們踏出飛機的一刻，我便開始後悔了。原來古巴剛進入夏季，冬季餘寒未盡，所以氣溫只有 10 來度。加上日夜溫差頗大，小背心們也只好乖乖的待在行李箱裏，倒是大衣、什麼超薄防寒內衣最得寵。
在 Remedios 慶祝聖誕節的那晚，整個小鎮瀰漫著一片熱鬧的氣氛。街上兩旁都是形形色色的小攤檔，有賣吃的也有賣雜貨的，活像香港廟街夜市。我們走在街上，不知如何取捨：該吃香煎牛扒包、看似薯條的西班牙油條、古巴炸蝦片還是煎牛扒飯？經過我們幾人一番猜拳「激鬥」後，終於決定在一個老伯伯開的、賣牛扒飯的小攤檔用膳。
他賣的是煎薄牛扒和古巴傳統的黑豆炒飯，還有炸薯條和生菜作配料，賣相不錯，而且只賣 25 披索，相當於港幣7 元左右。我們五人抱著好奇的心態，只要了一客，但老伯伯不但沒有抱怨，還為我們多準備幾套餐具，更給我們添飯！
因為是路旁小攤的緣故，我們需要「立食」，五個人各自拿著刀叉在同一碟飯裏划，感覺很好。雖然不太衛生，但因有了老伯伯滿足的笑容、美味可口的牛扒飯，其他的一切都不重要了。
在 Remedios 的一夜，因為慶祝聖誕節來臨，煙花幾乎沒有停過。在 Santa Clara聽說，平安夜和聖誕節的 Remedios ，人們玩得累了，都是毫無顧忌的露宿街頭，因此我們也沒有特地去找旅館，準備入鄉隨俗。
我們跟隨遊行的花車隊伍，一直載歌載舞到凌晨四時多，然後大家都累了，想找個地方歇歇。但到處是飛落的煙花，好不容易才找到一個安全的地方稍作休息。
坐著坐著，竟不覺累了。我拿出紙筆，寫起隨筆來。看著煙花照亮聖誕的天空，聽著煙花的爆炸聲，夾雜著遠處樂手奏著古巴傳統音樂，寫著自己的心情，忽覺自己像個浪漫的Backpacker 。
天色漸亮，就這樣，我們在平安夜，在 Remedios 街頭，「住」了不平凡的一夜。

(明報2004-01-28）

Playback Theatre and Its Social and Community Functions

Playback Theatre, founded by Jonathan Fox in 1975 in the US, is an improvisational theatre which audiences’ stories are being performed. In a Playback performance, volunteers from the audiences share their own stories and the stories would be immediately recreated by a small group of actors without pre-planning and rehearsals.
Usually in a performance, there would be a conductor, a musician, the actors and most importantly, the teller as well as the audiences. The conductor leads the whole performance and gives instructions to the actors of the forms being used. After giving instructions to the actor, the conductor will then say “Let’s watch!” and the actors play back the story to the audience, especially to the teller. There are different forms to perform in Playback. These forms are mostly derived from mime, dance and music etc. The performance is usually symbolism and actors only use fabric to make costume, props and sets.
As the founder of Playback Theatre, Jonathan Fox said, “There are many people who are not always listened to. Even more numerous are the people whose stories in one way or another are too terrible for others to want to hear. If oppressed persons can be defined as those who have nowhere to tell their story, our mission has been to provide a space for anyone and everyone to be heard.”(adapted from Acts of Service: spontaneity, commitment, tradition in the nonscripted theatre.) Playback is a good chance for people to share their own ideas and experiences with others since it provides a comfortable atmosphere for one to share and ensures the stories would be heard. For example, the people having low social status may not have chances to express their feelings and give out their say in the community, or they do not have this courage to voice out. Playback grants them the opportunity to be heard and be respected, no matter their stories are delightful or upset, ordinary or extraordinary.
On the other hand, since Playback Theatre welcomes all kind of stories, it allows different points of view to exist at the same time. Therefore, there would be an exploration of issues or concern, that audience can have chances to see an incident or situation from many different angles through hearing and seeing the experience of others. This enables people to know how their views are different from the others and to learn accepting different points of view in the community.
Respect and accept are the main concerns of Playback Theater. It is a show of respect to the teller that his/her story is being valued and treasured in the community since every story is being heard carefully and played back. Since the performances are based on the stories told, and the actors are supposed to reflect as fully and faithfully as possible, the uniqueness of each person is being honored and the dignity of personal experience is also affirmed.
Each performance in Playback Theatre is an outcome of the cooperation of the teller, the conductor, the musician and the actors. In other words, a dynamic communication process is present in the performance. Therefore, through Playback theatre, the barriers between people can be broken easily and trust between each other can also be developed. Witnessing others’ stories fosters understanding among people in the group and hence it can help to build group spirit and a sense of community.
As mentioned above, Playback Theatre let the audience, including the teller, to look at things from another angle. This makes people to learn more about themselves each other and may help them to due with personal and community conflicts. Though not aim at helping one to solve problems, Playback may also gives inspiration to the audience that they may find out other ways of interpretation for the same issue.
Besides treating an incident in another perspective, Playback Theatre also act as a mirror of individual’s life. This helps people to have a better self-understanding and can be more reflective, so that they can improve or make changes in life towards a better one.
Through the telling of stories, social or common personal problems may be raised out since people are guided by the conductor to share similar feelings each time. Therefore, it is easy to find common feelings or topics in each time. The existence of this phenomenon shows the importance of the issue thus reminds the audience as well as the performers that they have to aware of and pay more attention to these problems.
Playback can be used in many different fields in the community. For example, as said before, it can be used as a way for the oppressed to voice out. Oppressed people, such as those who are disabled, abused or having low social status may find it difficult to have someone to listen to their say. Playback provides a place for them to share and to be heard, so that they can feel that they are being respected and can feel their existence as a member of the society.
Since it can let people to look at an incident from different points of view, and so strengths and weaknesses become apparent without criticism, and people of the groups can develop a vision or purpose for themselves. With this function, Playback can be used as a counseling tool which helps self-discovering of people. For example, it can be use for the prisoners, through playing back their stories, it is possible that they would discover their wrong doings since they can see the past in another perspective.
Playback crafts a view or mirror of the community and individual, however, it only aims at reflecting the truth but not moving the community or anyone towards something. The mirroring effect brings questions or values which may be long hidden to the surface and to people’s awareness. Therefore, it is a good method to arouse awareness of social issues and phenomenon, especially in the time which people seek for social changes. It is because it is powerful and easy to gather voices and opinions through Playback.
Playback Theatre is a work in the community, for the community and about the community. All the stories told are affirmation of lives and human in a particular culture. It also brings people back to the roots and purpose of theatre, which is to share stories and to create community, and by doing so, appreciate human experiences and values as well as connecting people universally.

References:
Books

Community Theater: Global Perspectives by Eugene van Erven
Theatre of the Oppressed by Augusto Boal
Theatre and Everyday Life: An Ethics of Performance by Alan Read
Fluid Sculpture: Playback Theatre in Hong Kong (流動塑像: 一人一故事劇場的香港經驗)Asian People’s Theatre Festival Society亞洲民眾戲劇節協會
當代台灣社區劇場 林偉瑜著

Essays or Speeches

Playback Theatre as a Methodology for Social Change by Bev Hosking and Christian Penny
Framing Stories: Playback Theatre with children in education and therapyby Jo Salas
“Who Is Your Neighbour?” Playback Theatre and Community Developmentby Mary Good
From Artistic to Humanistic by Janet Tam Mei Hing

Websites

http://www.playbacknet.org
http://www.playbackschool.org
http://home.vincet.net.au/~playback/
http://www.riversedgeplayback.org/
http://www.artashealing.org/ahfwpaul.htm
http://www.bellingen.com/playback/whatis.htm
http://hunterplayback.tripod.com/playback.htm

字母粉

在今天的香港，如果一個人要讀書至大學畢業，便要在教育制度中打滾二十年，若人的壽命為六十至八十歲左右，換言之，我們便有至少三至四分一的的生命是花在上學或讀書之上!這二十年，究竟如何改變一個人?
其實以前溫習的時候己常常忽發奇想，想一下有甚麼方法可以方便快捷的溫習。看過叮噹漫畫，他有一種法寶名叫「記憶方包」，小時候的我覺得這發明很好，如果真的有了就可以不用再辛辛苦苦預備測驗默書考試。後來，在會考期間，我又再次發起奇想，在吃字母粉作早餐的時候，寫了一首詩﹕

《字母粉》
A．B．C．D
咬文嚼字

但願
不用叮噹的記憶方包
也可將文字
送進口裡
牢牢記住

但願
懂得的生字
如字母粉
一般多

可是
字母粉總是
一團糟的
給消化

現在回想，仍是覺得如果可以有這樣快捷的記憶和溫習方法，是一件很好的事。因為每次當我在執拾書櫃的時候，看到自己中七高考時的筆記，單單是文學與經濟兩科，已經入滿了四個大尺碼的box file!如今真難想像當時是如何熬得過。想起字母粉會被弄得一團糟，於是我就想到一個更直接的辦法---直接把筆記咽下去。雖然好像是有點誇張，但回頭想想，香港這地方的教育制度，不就是迫著學生去做這事麼?這制度，特別是公開試緊迫的課程，不是迫著學生們生吞活剝是啥?

從《駒歌》的宣傳手法看費斯克的游擊理論

美國哲學家及社會學家約翰．費斯克，在解讀文化及流行消費模式的時候，認為在資本主義的社會之下，消費者是可以以他們的主動性，來對抗資本家的榨壓的。他認為，在日常的生活之中，消費者，即資本主義之下的弱者，可以以一些游擊的對策，來對抗強者的謀略。 所謂游擊策略，就是沒有一個完整的戰略，「以鄉村包圍城市」，用最少的資源，去達到最大定成效，並且可以不停的因應不同的環境、情況來調整其策略。
本地一個獨立劇團「好戲量」，在本年四月在文化中心上演了一齣名叫《駒歌》的舞台劇。這個舞台劇的宣傳方法，其實就是運用了這種對抗大商家的游擊戰術。因此，在資金有限的情況之下，該團仍以游擊策略，作了很多對固有宣傳方法或廣告策略上的顛覆。
劇團為舞台劇宣傳，在社會固有觀念上，是要透過向廣告公司購買一宣傳的服務，例如廣告版的位置，或者印刷廣告等，因此在這件事，也算是一個消費者。這次的宣傳，雖然也曾在一些地方投放了不少金錢，但是更多的是用了最少的資金來做到最大的成效，並直接和間接地顛覆了廣告公司一貫在宣傳上的固有機制。
例如，在公共交通公共上的宣傅方面，通常都會有一些大的廣告公司承包了公車車身的廣告，例如VanAd等等。因此如果要在公共小巴上張貼廣告，都應要花一筆錢，由廣告公司代為印刷及張貼宣傳品。但是，好戲量在公共交通公具上宣傳《駒歌》，卻沒有涉及過任何的廣告公司，只是由演出的參與者親力親為，拿著宣傳海報，在小巴站逐輛登上小巴，請司機讓他們張貼海報於車窗上。這樣一來，比起透過廣告公司，在車身登廣告的覆蓋力還要大，而且除了印刷海報的小小成本外，根本不需要使用一分一毫，更遑論需要多少廣告費用了。這種行動，就正正顛覆了廣告公司在小巴廣告上賺錢的本意，把既有的宣傳消費思想打破。
另外，費斯克指出，消費者可以藉著在當完成品作為原料，以應用它們來再創造出新的東西，達到對強者的挑戰。而《駒歌》在小巴上貼上宣傳海報，亦是一個再創造的例子。因為小巴的車輛本身，是一件資本主義之下的完成品，但是，劇團卻在其車窗上貼上宣傳海報，令車的本身由交通功具，轉化為一個個的流動宣傳板。
以上的例子雖然似是有效的以游擊策略打敗了資本家的計謀，但其實這只是在一些小戰事上的勝出，並非完全的把他們打倒了。跟據費斯克，這些游擊的策略，通常只會有短暫的勝利，因為每當那些大商家發現或者「識破」了弱者的策略以後，他們就會很容易地因應不同的策略來再實行其他的對策，以防弱者再從中成為既得利益者。
《駒歌》眾多的宣傳中，街道上懸掛的橫額其實就是一個被「對付」了的反撃的一個好例子。《駒歌》這個製作，除了透過廣告公司，在旺角的行人專用區登了一幅大型的廣告版之外，前後共印刷及在港九新界各區懸掛了約二百多條橫額。懸掛橫額是扣除了製作成本之後，不用付出宣傳或廣告費用的宣傳方法。如果要令這個劇的資料在港九新界都要有如懸掛橫額相若的曝光率，依據一向在這個機制上的做法，就是在大廈的外牆上，或者在巴士站等賣廣告。可是這種做法非常昂貴，單是一幅小小的廣告版，可能已動輒幾萬元。如果要一個獨立自資的劇團刊登相若數量，即是二百多塊的廣告版，根本就是沒有可能的事。而這次懸掛橫額的方法，就是以一個低成本的方法，來打撃了廣告公司的賺錢主意。
之前提及過，對於弱者的游擊策略，資本家總有新的方法去作出一些反撃。因此，弱者的反撃，根據費斯克的說法，都是很難維持和很難完全地顛覆強者固有的制度。以《駒歌》作例子就是，很多懸掛了的橫額，掛了不消一兩天，就已經被廣告公司派員將它們拆下來。此舉令橫額的宣傳效用降低及宣傳期縮短了，對劇團的宣傳對策作出了打撃。不過當然，在它們被拆下來以前，其曝光就已達到了對廣告公司的反撃，因為劇團在不雖要宣傳費的情況之下，間接減少了廣告公司的收入，也就是說，減少了其對消費者的榨壓。
這些游擊的策略，因為沒有一個完整的策略，所以很多時也會很輕易的被強者以不同的手法反擊，所以很難能完全地反抗或動搖資本家的計謀。但在弱者的角度下，未嘗不是一件有利而無害的事，因為他們可以在這個反撃之中取得小勝利。例如在《駒歌》利用橫額來宣傳的例子中，雖然這個方法很快便被打撃了，但是橫額在市面曝過光，就算是一兩天，也是算收了一定的宣傳效用。
有人認為費斯克這個游擊的理論，只是一些弱者在受到強者的欺壓下，自我安慰的一種方式，因為根本不能打撃他們的計謀。但是如果如上述的例子中，弱者仍能在這些欺壓下，靠自己積極的反撃而得到小小的勝利，總比任由資本家宰割來得好，而費斯克所強調的主動性的本意亦在於這裡。

枯葉

我有一個小怪癖
走在路上總喜歡踏碎枯乾的落葉
聽葉子碎開的聲音
有時踏了沒有枯乾的葉
軟軟的沒有聲
總是一陣失落
直至找到下一塊脆脆的枯葉

有一次，在地上看見一隻奄奄一息的黑蝴蝶，差點就踏著了它。忽然在想，如果有一天的踏著的，不是枯葉，而是枯葉蝶的話，將會是一件很恐怖的事。但枯葉跟枯葉蝶都是生命，枯葉脆脆的聲音，是印證它生命的過去。踏著沒有聲的，是枯葉也好枯葉蝶也好，都是仍有生命的，沒有分別，難怪會令人有失落之感，因為一個生命就此被毀了。

我，仍樂於身處無聲的世界。